My meager attempt at a Eulogy

            For all those who knew my father I wanted to take a few moments and give my unique perspective on his recent passing, and on the life he led. I believe that I knew the pre-2001 Brad better than most people because I watched him closely for the better part of my entire life and I hope that my thoughts will benefit all those who chose to give their time to my ramblings, and above all, if you chose to read, please read through until the end. Thank you.

            I will start with the easy part. To my father I owe one of my personal favorite attributes. I have a very tender, and compassionate heart, some of this I believe to be inherited and the better part of it I know to be learned, and he in truth was my teacher. He taught me so much about how to love and what it means when you do.  When he loved, he loved very deeply and when he cared, his concern and heartfelt connection, was of a truth, nearly palpable. Many times growing up I watched my father cry, he taught me early that showing vulnerability was not only ok for a young man to do, but that it takes a very strong man to be able to do so. I have not always believed that lesson, but when I have witnessed it in my own life, I have seen miracles as a result.

            My father also taught me a handful of other truths that to this day remain some of my strongest understandings of reality.  When I was a young man he taught me about two LDS concepts that to this day are anchors in my life and that form the early foundation of my belief in all things spiritual. He taught me that if you have faith, and the priesthood, miracles can and will happen and that if you pay an honest tithing, blessings are poured out upon you from heaven. I have seen these two ideas work in my own life and in the lives of many other people and I know  them to be true.

            I also know that my father went through a lot from an early age. I know that  he was teased immensely and made fun of in school and the community he grew up in for his epilepsy and other things. I know that he was abused by someone at a young age, I know that he had a hard time connecting with his father, in spite of the fact that he truly longed for a connection there. I know that these three core ideas as well as others formed a very fragile side of my father. A side who was very insecure and unsure of his own self worth. This carried into when I knew him and presumably never truly left his mind.

            In short, as a result of these things my father continued a cycle of abuse that was handed to him from someone else. Someone who most likely inherited it from yet another and  a cycle that some of us now have inherited through no fault of our own. Although this is not a pleasant thing to talk about it is true and many of us have lived out hours, days, weeks and years trying to find ways to cope and overcome this sad truth. Of this I only have a few things to say, I hope that all those who were hurt by my father can first accept an apology from me that my father could not find the strength to offer. I also hope that we  realize that we have a power within us and have used that power to end the cycle. We have made light from darkness, not just darkness that one man gave us, but a darkness that continued until we stopped it. It takes a truly strong, courageous and noble person to stop the cycle of abuse, and when we did, we not only serve ourselves but we are creating a better world our children and for the generations that follow. Hundreds of lives will be impacted for the better because we took that pain, that darkness, that sorrow, that suffering and we turned into light, into healing, into peace and into teaching good. I am so sorry that any of us had to be hurt by my father, but I must say that I refuse to let the negative that he gave me have hold on my heart, I refuse to let his mistakes turn into mine, and perhaps most importantly I refuse to waste another day shying away from a wonderful extended family just because we (just like every other family) have a few gnarly looking skeletons in our closets.

            With Brad's passing comes many things, an opportunity to reflect, an opportunity  to forgive, an opportunity  to remember the good and cast off the bad and above all it is truly a time to reform our family legacies, to recommit ourselves to truth and to living good quality lives where we uplift those around us and selflessly spread light into a world that needs it so very much. Let us please all do that, even if only a little better than yesterday,  let us do good to others and uplift those around us, because in my experience it is when we do good to others and when we give selflessly that the greatest healing takes place. 

-Jarom Leo Byington

post script, 

for anyone with questions, concerns, a need to vent, talk or rant, I have a pretty solid listening ear and can be reached at JLB739999@gmail.com or through texting at 208-403-2721. 

A choice in the matter

If there are few things that bind the human race together in a common ground, one of those things would be that we have all been through pain, many if not  all had our hearts broken by those in whom we trusted and placed our highest regards, those who haven’t endured this undoubtedly will at some point in their existence. I am confident that the majority of the human race has been both the heart breaker and the person who has their heart broken. These roles switch through time and circumstance but they are most common in all my limited experience.

                It is also my experience that what makes us different from each other is how we handle these moments of pain and heartbreak. I have read, experienced and learned from the entire spectrum of these reactions. I have hated on, despised, loathed, written off and allowed other’s actions to cripple me to a point very near death both literal and figurative. In all the things that I’ve learned I can tell you one truth that will remain truth in spite of me saying it, and in spite of anyone reading this believing it. We are beings who very much have the choice to allow ourselves to be changed by our circumstances for better or for worse. I have spewed plenty of negativity in my life, intentionally and unintentionally and I see now that all of it was a complete waste of time. 

                As much as this is a general statement it is also meant for specific situations and people. I am being held accountable in a few people’s minds for mistakes I have both made and other mistakes that were merely conjured up in the minds and hearts of confused and misdirected people. This paragraph goes out to you few people. Let go of what you think I did because any misunderstandings I caused have been more than atoned for by your constant vocalization of your hatred or distaste for me. If you want to remain unhappy and taking that out on me, I will not judge you. I will not even be frustrated with you but I can promise you, it is only yourself that you are hurting. For your sake more than for mine, let go of the pain and darkness by forgiving both the perceived and that which is reality. There is not enough time left in any of our lives to hold on to the pain that thwarts us from having less than beautiful lives. Know that I am sorry for any pain I’ve caused, and I just like you stand in need of forgiveness. Hatchets can and should be buried, or turned into tools of building and strengthening.        

                One of my favorite quotes is as follows “Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil-The silent unconscious, unseen influence in his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be. Life is a state of constant radiation and absorption; to exist is to radiate; to exist is to be the recipient of radiation. Man cannot escape for one moment from this radiation of his character, this constant weakening or strengthening of others. He cannot evade the responsibility by saying it is an unconscious influence. He can select the qualities that he will permit to be radiated. He can select calmness, trust, generosity, truth, justice, loyalty, nobility and make them vitally active in his character- and by these qualities he will constantly affect the world.”
                Although I cannot pretend I am flawless at this attempt I can say that these words are a very real part of how I try to live my life. I choose to, with every drop of energy I can radiate positivity into the world that I live in. I invite everyone to do the same. Let drops in the bucket become a flood of positive and helpful energy. This will be so much better than falling into an eye for an eye mentality, where we all end up blind.

My Angel Mother?

Reflecting on all the years gone past that I can remember even slightly I can honestly say that so much of the good, so much of the joyful and so many of the beautiful experiences I have had in my almost 33 years is either directly connected or revolves solely around my mother. One of my favorite quotes heard in reference to Mother’s day is from Abraham Lincoln he said “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” I too, owe so much of what I am and the hopes and dreams I have to my Mother. The past six and a half months of my life have been among the most difficult I have ever experienced. It is impossible to describe the pain, and sadness that comes with not seeing my children for almost 7 months now. Every day I strive hard to keep proper perspective and give Breanna and Payton my best from 2700 miles away.

Much of my strength comes from not only the comfort of my angel Mother, but from her example as well. Without going into detail I know that one of the hardest things she ever had to do was to allow my two younger brothers to live in foster care. She knew it they would be happier and would enjoy a better life in the capable and worthy hands of great foster parents. I know now, at least a little taste of how hard that must have been. I have begun to understand just how much of a sacrifice she made, so that Nathaniel and Lehi could have what was best for them. That pain I have become accustomed to, that sense of deep longing and emptiness that sits in the corner of my mind every day I go without seeing the two most amazing people in my entire existence, has helped me understand just how amazing my own Mother truly is. I know that this is only one of many instances in which my mother has been an example of true love, and undying devotion, but for now, this is my favorite. Her ability to smile, and love she so deeply felt and so powerfully gave, through such incredible adversity has forever given me an example of the kind of person I hope to be. No gift I could possibly give, no words I could possibly express can begin to give proper thanks for the kind of Mother I have been blessed to be born to.

I saw a movie once that speculated that one possible way that our final accounting of this life could go, will be much like a hearing in court. Where we are our own witness and we share what we did right and wrong. We meet face to face with a loving God who lovingly asks what we did with what we were given. In this movie there were people who the protagonist had helped throughout his lifetime, people he had touched in a meaningful way and these people advocated for the individual, stating that he was a great person. Essentially they were witnesses to his good character. If there truly is any such event in the next life, I will fight to be one of the defenses key witnesses to the fact that my Mother is much more than just an angel, I will attest that she deserves to have the angels at her charge. I love you dearly Momma. You are such an important part of the foundation that keeps my house from crumbling. Happy Mother’s Day!

Love,

                        Jear Bear