For
all those who knew my father I wanted to take a few moments and give my unique
perspective on his recent passing, and on the life he led. I believe that I
knew the pre-2001 Brad better than most people because I watched him closely
for the better part of my entire life and I hope that my thoughts will benefit
all those who chose to give their time to my ramblings, and above all, if you
chose to read, please read through until the end. Thank you.
I
will start with the easy part. To my father I owe one of my personal favorite
attributes. I have a very tender, and compassionate heart, some of this I
believe to be inherited and the better part of it I know to be learned, and he
in truth was my teacher. He taught me so much about how to love and what it
means when you do. When he loved, he
loved very deeply and when he cared, his concern and heartfelt connection, was
of a truth, nearly palpable. Many times growing up I watched my father cry, he
taught me early that showing vulnerability was not only ok for a young man to
do, but that it takes a very strong man to be able to do so. I have not always
believed that lesson, but when I have witnessed it in my own life, I have seen
miracles as a result.
My
father also taught me a handful of other truths that to this day remain some of
my strongest understandings of reality.
When I was a young man he taught me about two LDS concepts that to this
day are anchors in my life and that form the early foundation of my belief in
all things spiritual. He taught me that if you have faith, and the priesthood,
miracles can and will happen and that if you pay an honest tithing, blessings
are poured out upon you from heaven. I have seen these two ideas work in my own
life and in the lives of many other people and I know them to be true.
I
also know that my father went through a lot from an early age. I know that he was teased immensely and made fun of in
school and the community he grew up in for his epilepsy and other things. I know
that he was abused by someone at a young age, I know that he had a hard time
connecting with his father, in spite of the fact that he truly longed for a
connection there. I know that these three core ideas as well as others formed a
very fragile side of my father. A side who was very insecure and unsure of his
own self worth. This carried into when I knew him and presumably never truly
left his mind.
In
short, as a result of these things my father continued a cycle of abuse that
was handed to him from someone else. Someone who most likely inherited it from
yet another and a cycle that some of us
now have inherited through no fault of our own. Although this is not a pleasant
thing to talk about it is true and many of us have lived out hours, days, weeks
and years trying to find ways to cope and overcome this sad truth. Of this I
only have a few things to say, I hope that all those who were hurt by my father
can first accept an apology from me that my father could not find the strength
to offer. I also hope that we realize
that we have a power within us and have used that power to end the cycle. We
have made light from darkness, not just darkness that one man gave us, but a
darkness that continued until we stopped it. It takes a truly strong,
courageous and noble person to stop the cycle of abuse, and when we did, we not
only serve ourselves but we are creating a better world our children and for
the generations that follow. Hundreds of lives will be impacted for the better
because we took that pain, that darkness, that sorrow, that suffering and we
turned into light, into healing, into peace and into teaching good. I am so
sorry that any of us had to be hurt by my father, but I must say that I refuse
to let the negative that he gave me have hold on my heart, I refuse to let his
mistakes turn into mine, and perhaps most importantly I refuse to waste another
day shying away from a wonderful extended family just because we (just like
every other family) have a few gnarly looking skeletons in our closets.
With
Brad's passing comes many things, an opportunity to reflect, an opportunity to forgive, an opportunity to remember the good and cast off the bad and
above all it is truly a time to reform our family legacies, to recommit
ourselves to truth and to living good quality lives where we uplift those
around us and selflessly spread light into a world that needs it so very much.
Let us please all do that, even if only a little better than yesterday, let us do good to others and uplift those around
us, because in my experience it is when we do good to others and when we give
selflessly that the greatest healing takes place.
-Jarom Leo Byington
post script,
for anyone with questions, concerns, a need to vent, talk or rant, I have a pretty solid listening ear and can be reached at JLB739999@gmail.com or through texting at 208-403-2721.
